I've lost track of the number of times my kids have told me they don't like me.
Lately Rylen has picked up the habit, so I hear "Mom, I don't like you anymore" several times a day. If he doesn't get a treat when he wants one, I hear it. If he doesn't get to watch "his" show on TV, I hear it. If he doesn't get to go play outside, I hear it. Basically, anytime he doesn't agree with what I've said I get the dreaded, "I don't like you anymore." You'd think I would have some sort of a complex by now, but you know what, I'm o.k. with the whole "I don't like you anymore" thing because I know I'm his mom and he loves mom regardless of whether he likes me or not.
Ashlynn and I had a conversation last year that went something like this:
(Ashlynn was in trouble for some reason I can't remember now)
Ashlynn: Mom, why can't you just be nice like everybody else' mom.
Mom: Because I'm not everyone else' mom.
Ashlynn: Mom, you're supposed to be nice...you're supposed to be my friend!
Mom: No, Ashlynn. I'm not supposed to be your friend. I'm your mom...that means it's my responsibility to make sure that you're doing what you're supposed to be doing and if that means that you don't like me then so be it. Hopefully down the road I'll get to be more than your mom. I'll get to be your friend too, but for the time being if all I am is your mean mom, I'm o.k. with that.
I've learned some valuable lessons from these encounters...and hopefully so have my kids.
1. My job first and foremost is to be a mom. As a mom I've got to make sure that my kids learn some important lessons. If that means I'm not liked all the time then so be it.
2. You don't have to be liked to be loved. I used to think these things were one and the same. It used to make me sad when my kids would tell me they didn't like me. It doesn't anymore, because I know that regardless of whether my kids like me or not at any given moment in time, they still love me. Hopefully my kids feel the same way. They do things that I don't necessarily like, and act in ways that I definitely don't like, but despite the fact that I may not "like" them during a certain episode, I will always love them. They are my kids!
Parenthood...it's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it!
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2 comments:
My theory is that if my kids like me all the time, I must not being doing my job as a mom! :)
While my kids have yet to say the "I hate you", Christiana has said, "Why don't you like me?" when I have punished her for something. I love what you said to Ashlynn.
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