It's funny...we're the adults. We're supposed to know more than the kids, but there are times when I really wonder. I mean, we're older and we have had more experiences, but I think sometimes the older we get, the less we know. Or maybe it's not that we know less, it's just that there are more options to choose from. For children right is right...wrong is wrong. It's that simple.
For instance, I like to sing my own little made up songs all day long. I was doing this the other day (I was singing the Veggie tales cheese burger song and just messing around with the words) when I was in the car with Rylen and I happened to sing..."Cause you're my "peas"burger" (I thought Rylen would get a kick out of this because he hates vegetable with a passion.) Instead I received a firm rebuke from him, "No mom, it's "cheese"burger, and we don't use potty words in our house!" Bad mom! In Rylens little 3 year old mind, there is right and wrong. Everything is black and white...there is no gray to confuse the issue.
I'll give you another example...Ashlynn's class was debating the upcoming election (now our recently past election) in their class at school the other day. They were to ask questions, and then debate on arguments for and against the two presidential candidates. Well the discussion went ahead, and someone said something about one of the candidates wanting to spread the wealth around. Ashlynn's comment was something to the effect of, "...well shouldn't the people who work hard get to have more money than the people who don't want to work. It doesn't seem fair to just give people money that they haven't worked for when there are other people who work really hard to take care of their families." To her, it was an issue of right or wrong. Black or white. There was nothing in there to muddy the waters.
So, the lesson I've learned this week is to remember there really is only a right and a wrong to every situation. There may be a zillion colors of the rainbow to cloud the waters, but ultimately the choice is black or white; right or wrong. Incidently, I think all those colors are put in there to make us feel better...give us an out. (This decision may not be entirely right...but it's really close and the best I can do???) We need to just weed out all that extraneous information and deal with the right or wrong choice. If my 3 year old can do it, so can I!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Lesson #3 - I Love You, But I Don't Have To Like You
I've lost track of the number of times my kids have told me they don't like me.
Lately Rylen has picked up the habit, so I hear "Mom, I don't like you anymore" several times a day. If he doesn't get a treat when he wants one, I hear it. If he doesn't get to watch "his" show on TV, I hear it. If he doesn't get to go play outside, I hear it. Basically, anytime he doesn't agree with what I've said I get the dreaded, "I don't like you anymore." You'd think I would have some sort of a complex by now, but you know what, I'm o.k. with the whole "I don't like you anymore" thing because I know I'm his mom and he loves mom regardless of whether he likes me or not.
Ashlynn and I had a conversation last year that went something like this:
(Ashlynn was in trouble for some reason I can't remember now)
Ashlynn: Mom, why can't you just be nice like everybody else' mom.
Mom: Because I'm not everyone else' mom.
Ashlynn: Mom, you're supposed to be nice...you're supposed to be my friend!
Mom: No, Ashlynn. I'm not supposed to be your friend. I'm your mom...that means it's my responsibility to make sure that you're doing what you're supposed to be doing and if that means that you don't like me then so be it. Hopefully down the road I'll get to be more than your mom. I'll get to be your friend too, but for the time being if all I am is your mean mom, I'm o.k. with that.
I've learned some valuable lessons from these encounters...and hopefully so have my kids.
1. My job first and foremost is to be a mom. As a mom I've got to make sure that my kids learn some important lessons. If that means I'm not liked all the time then so be it.
2. You don't have to be liked to be loved. I used to think these things were one and the same. It used to make me sad when my kids would tell me they didn't like me. It doesn't anymore, because I know that regardless of whether my kids like me or not at any given moment in time, they still love me. Hopefully my kids feel the same way. They do things that I don't necessarily like, and act in ways that I definitely don't like, but despite the fact that I may not "like" them during a certain episode, I will always love them. They are my kids!
Parenthood...it's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it!
Lately Rylen has picked up the habit, so I hear "Mom, I don't like you anymore" several times a day. If he doesn't get a treat when he wants one, I hear it. If he doesn't get to watch "his" show on TV, I hear it. If he doesn't get to go play outside, I hear it. Basically, anytime he doesn't agree with what I've said I get the dreaded, "I don't like you anymore." You'd think I would have some sort of a complex by now, but you know what, I'm o.k. with the whole "I don't like you anymore" thing because I know I'm his mom and he loves mom regardless of whether he likes me or not.
Ashlynn and I had a conversation last year that went something like this:
(Ashlynn was in trouble for some reason I can't remember now)
Ashlynn: Mom, why can't you just be nice like everybody else' mom.
Mom: Because I'm not everyone else' mom.
Ashlynn: Mom, you're supposed to be nice...you're supposed to be my friend!
Mom: No, Ashlynn. I'm not supposed to be your friend. I'm your mom...that means it's my responsibility to make sure that you're doing what you're supposed to be doing and if that means that you don't like me then so be it. Hopefully down the road I'll get to be more than your mom. I'll get to be your friend too, but for the time being if all I am is your mean mom, I'm o.k. with that.
I've learned some valuable lessons from these encounters...and hopefully so have my kids.
1. My job first and foremost is to be a mom. As a mom I've got to make sure that my kids learn some important lessons. If that means I'm not liked all the time then so be it.
2. You don't have to be liked to be loved. I used to think these things were one and the same. It used to make me sad when my kids would tell me they didn't like me. It doesn't anymore, because I know that regardless of whether my kids like me or not at any given moment in time, they still love me. Hopefully my kids feel the same way. They do things that I don't necessarily like, and act in ways that I definitely don't like, but despite the fact that I may not "like" them during a certain episode, I will always love them. They are my kids!
Parenthood...it's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Lesson #2 - Bandaids Can Fix Everything
Kenny always says that you can fix anything with duct tape. It's a "must have" in every man's garage.
I've come to the conclusion that a bandaid is a kid's duct tape. Bandaids make everything better! Get hit in the shin with a baseball...use a bandaid. Sliver...bandaid! Wipe out on the pavement and skin your knee after attempting a quadruple twisting double back flip on your skateboard...bandaid! FYI, bandaids are good for moms too. Kids being too noisy...bandaids (to close their mouths.) No tape to wrap a present...bandaid. Need some sympathy...bandaid (a well placed bandaid can get you a well earned 15 min. of down time...and a load of hugs and kisses to go along with it) A house without bandaids will, in all likelihood, fall apart at the seams!
Funny how something so simple can make everything all better...but it does. The tears fade, the smile returns, and 2 min. after affixing the bandaid, Rylen is back out on his scooter attempting another stunt with reckless abandon. I guess life is like that. Simple things can solve the biggest problems. We have the right idea as kids. Our bandaids just evolve as we get older. My bandaids: Chocolate, Kenny, and Prayer.
I've come to the conclusion that a bandaid is a kid's duct tape. Bandaids make everything better! Get hit in the shin with a baseball...use a bandaid. Sliver...bandaid! Wipe out on the pavement and skin your knee after attempting a quadruple twisting double back flip on your skateboard...bandaid! FYI, bandaids are good for moms too. Kids being too noisy...bandaids (to close their mouths.) No tape to wrap a present...bandaid. Need some sympathy...bandaid (a well placed bandaid can get you a well earned 15 min. of down time...and a load of hugs and kisses to go along with it) A house without bandaids will, in all likelihood, fall apart at the seams!
Funny how something so simple can make everything all better...but it does. The tears fade, the smile returns, and 2 min. after affixing the bandaid, Rylen is back out on his scooter attempting another stunt with reckless abandon. I guess life is like that. Simple things can solve the biggest problems. We have the right idea as kids. Our bandaids just evolve as we get older. My bandaids: Chocolate, Kenny, and Prayer.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Lesson #1 - I Know Who I Am
I think it's kind of funny...one of the things that we seem to forget as we get older is who we are. Or maybe we don't forget...maybe we just change or try to change or become someone different, new. But does who we really are, ever change?
Little kids have it down. They know exactly who they are. Let me give you an example: (bear with me those of you who have read my other blog because this experience is on their as well...but it illustrates my point.) I was upstairs working when Rylen (my 3 year old) came to me with a request. "Mommmm" came the call. "What dear?" I replied. This answer totally threw off the whole request because the next thing I knew I was being severly chastised, "I'm not a dear." "You're my dear" I said nonchalantly. "No," he argued, "I'm not a dear." Then I clued in...thinking he's probably thinking deer (like Bambi), I proceeded to push the envelope..."Oh, are you my dog?" I said. "NO!" "Are you my monkey?" "NO!!" "Are you my shark?" "NOOOOO!!!" Enough was enough, his final reply was, "I'm your Rylen."
Rylen is Rylen...that's who he is and he knows it. Occassionally we'll call Bright by Rylen's nickname (Guyvie...don't ask why we call him that, we just do), and Rylen's reaction is always the same. "He's not your Guyvie...I'm your Guyvie. He's the baby." He's right! He has his own identity. He knows exactly who he is. If I can do my mommy job right that will never change.
The same holds true for each of us. We each have a special, specific identity. We can change aspects of who we are. We will grow. We can get a "new" look. We can develop new talents, habits, etc and, we can gain knowledge, but one thing remains constant: We are children of God. What else could be more important than knowing who we are? I am Cassie. I'm a daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend, but more importantly I am a child of God. Knowing this affects every other decision in my life and hopefully makes me better at everything that I do.
I'm glad my kids have a good understanding of who they are. I'm sure that as they get older their knowledge will be challenged. People will try to change who they are, or try to convince them to do things that will go against who they are. I will continue to drill into their minds the same simple truth that small children inherently seem to know..."I am a child of God," and hopefully when turbulent time arise (as they always do) they will have this to fall back on.
Little kids have it down. They know exactly who they are. Let me give you an example: (bear with me those of you who have read my other blog because this experience is on their as well...but it illustrates my point.) I was upstairs working when Rylen (my 3 year old) came to me with a request. "Mommmm" came the call. "What dear?" I replied. This answer totally threw off the whole request because the next thing I knew I was being severly chastised, "I'm not a dear." "You're my dear" I said nonchalantly. "No," he argued, "I'm not a dear." Then I clued in...thinking he's probably thinking deer (like Bambi), I proceeded to push the envelope..."Oh, are you my dog?" I said. "NO!" "Are you my monkey?" "NO!!" "Are you my shark?" "NOOOOO!!!" Enough was enough, his final reply was, "I'm your Rylen."
Rylen is Rylen...that's who he is and he knows it. Occassionally we'll call Bright by Rylen's nickname (Guyvie...don't ask why we call him that, we just do), and Rylen's reaction is always the same. "He's not your Guyvie...I'm your Guyvie. He's the baby." He's right! He has his own identity. He knows exactly who he is. If I can do my mommy job right that will never change.
The same holds true for each of us. We each have a special, specific identity. We can change aspects of who we are. We will grow. We can get a "new" look. We can develop new talents, habits, etc and, we can gain knowledge, but one thing remains constant: We are children of God. What else could be more important than knowing who we are? I am Cassie. I'm a daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend, but more importantly I am a child of God. Knowing this affects every other decision in my life and hopefully makes me better at everything that I do.
I'm glad my kids have a good understanding of who they are. I'm sure that as they get older their knowledge will be challenged. People will try to change who they are, or try to convince them to do things that will go against who they are. I will continue to drill into their minds the same simple truth that small children inherently seem to know..."I am a child of God," and hopefully when turbulent time arise (as they always do) they will have this to fall back on.
Life Lessons
Have you ever noticed that most of your major life lessons are actually just bigger versions of simple things you learned as a child? Simple life lessons that a 3 year old understands and holds as a rule like "Be nice"or "Say you're sorry," seem to be so easily forgotten as an adult. These life lessons seem to come naturally to them. I'm sure this is one of the reasons that Christ encourages us to become like the little children. Despite the fact that we are supposed to be here to guide them through life it seems like they're the ones that are teaching us. I know I've learned these lessons before, but it seems like I'm constantly needing to re-learn them.
Maybe this is going to be my therapy session...a mom's time out so to speak...but I've noticed that my young children seem to know more about life and the rules of life than I do, so this blog will be dedicated to the things that I've learned and continue to learn from my children. And while I can't guarantee that everything I've learned will be profound and life altering (some lessons are just plain funny), they are, nonetheless, things I have learned. So if you can put up with the ramblings of a full time mom, please read on, and feel free to leave me comments and let me know if I'm just a wierd mom or if you've noticed the same things from your children.
As a side note...one of my best teachers is my 3 year old (although I'm sure that each of my children has valuable lessons to teach me)...thus the name of this blog.
Maybe this is going to be my therapy session...a mom's time out so to speak...but I've noticed that my young children seem to know more about life and the rules of life than I do, so this blog will be dedicated to the things that I've learned and continue to learn from my children. And while I can't guarantee that everything I've learned will be profound and life altering (some lessons are just plain funny), they are, nonetheless, things I have learned. So if you can put up with the ramblings of a full time mom, please read on, and feel free to leave me comments and let me know if I'm just a wierd mom or if you've noticed the same things from your children.
As a side note...one of my best teachers is my 3 year old (although I'm sure that each of my children has valuable lessons to teach me)...thus the name of this blog.
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